Rubbishy Cookery

  This recipe is by special request for a special friend who recently found a mini slow cooker at a thrift store. That’s where you find mini slow cookers. Nobody buys them new. They spontaneously generate themselves at thrift stores. Just make sure you clean them within an inch of their existence. Apparently my friend is more conscientious about second hand electrical kitchen appliances than I, and she looked online to learn how to use the mini slow cooker. I did no such thing and assumed, like regular slow cookers, they could be used safely for hours at a time. Apparently the mini slow cookers are only intended to be used for a mini amount of time: four hours maximum. I’m going to pretend that I never heard this information and will continue to throw caution to the wind with my second hand mini, but you, dear reader, should take this information as a caveat to this recipe, and if you decide to use it recklessly like me, and your thrift store mini slow cooker explodes after four ho...

  A long time  ago, in a relationship far far away, I was shlepped around on many a canoe trip. I was not then, nor have I ever been, a lover of being in nature. I should never have been taken on a canoe trip, let alone multiple canoe trips, and by the same canoe-trip-loving person, because I was definitely ruining the whole experience with my whining and complaining.  The best part about those canoe trips was the morning breakfast oatmeal. It was simple and easy to make on a camp stove with lake water, and the oats with added dried fruits filled us up with stick-to-your-ribs goodness to fuel us for the day’s paddling and portaging. And mosquito slapping. And sweating. And sun burning. And getting wet hiking boots. And so on. Needless to say, my canoe tripping days are over, but my enjoyment of this oatmeal recipe lives on. Ingredients: Directions: Bring 1 cup of water to a boil in a small saucepan with the dried apples and apricots cut into bite sized pieces: Get 1/3 cup...

It’s fall! It’s apple season! Finally! This is a basic apple crisp/crumble recipe that apparently was also once referred to as Apple Betty, which doesn’t sound quite right in 2024. I originally found it here: Which was found in this vintage 1980s cookbook that came for free with the very first microwave oven my parents ever owned: That was back in the early days of microwave ovens, when they were promoted as a conventional oven replacement, and this book has recipes for full course microwave cooking, including « roast » chicken.  If you are interested , here is the original microwave version recipe for today’s dish, with my mother’s annotations and approval (hence the check mark): I don’t think I’m breaking any copyright laws printing this recipe, but just in case, please don’t tell Quasar. Or Betty. Anyway, we’re going to go off script, as usual. Ingredients: Directions: We’re going to have to peel some apples. Do you have an apple peeler? This handy device is a zillion years old,...

  Back in my vegetarian student days, long before I had a good handle on rubbishy cooking from scratch, I relied on a lot of prepackaged meals and mixes. One such favourite was a boxed mix to add to tofu as a seasoning and binder to make “homemade” tofu burgers. It wasn’t just easy to use, but it was extremely tasty. I believe the brand was “Casbah” but who knows, because it’s long gone… Even though I’m no longer a vegetarian, I still love many of the vegetarian standbys from that phase of my life. I really loved those tofu burgers and have been determined to recreate the flavours I remember from the boxed mix. Many failed attempts, experiments, and 25 years later, I think I’ve done it! Behold! Ingredients: Missing from the above photo: neutral cooking oil, I use canola. Directions: Drain, then pat and squeeze dry your block of firm or extra firm tofu, using a clean tea towel. Then put the dried tofu into a shallow bowl and smash it up real good with a potato mashing device: Add a ...

  I know what you’re thinking: there’s nothing new about salmon patties. Maybe your mother, like mine in the 1970s, slapped a can of salmon together with an egg and some breadcrumbs, formed patties, fried them up, and called it a meal. And maybe your memories of them, like mine, are good.  But these, I guarantee, are better! Ingredients: Oops, I forgot to include the neutral flavoured canola oil in the picture above. But you’ll need it too. Directions: Using any canned wild salmon—pink, sockeye, is there any other?—open and drain it well. I only use canned salmon that has skin and bones included for the extra health benefits. Take a fork to your well-drained salmon and make sure you really smash up the skin and bones well. Otherwise it can be a little too real, if you know what I mean. Next, add a farm fresh egg and mash it all together: Next, add the dry ingredients: quick oats, flax meal, and black sesame seeds, in the approximate proportions shown below: If in doubt, start ...