Rubbishy Cookery

  Back in my vegetarian student days, long before I had a good handle on rubbishy cooking from scratch, I relied on a lot of prepackaged meals and mixes. One such favourite was a boxed mix to add to tofu as a seasoning and binder to make “homemade” tofu burgers. It wasn’t just easy to use, but it was extremely tasty. I believe the brand was “Casbah” but who knows, because it’s long gone… Even though I’m no longer a vegetarian, I still love many of the vegetarian standbys from that phase of my life. I really loved those tofu burgers and have been determined to recreate the flavours I remember from the boxed mix. Many failed attempts, experiments, and 25 years later, I think I’ve done it! Behold! Ingredients: Missing from the above photo: neutral cooking oil, I use canola. Directions: Drain, then pat and squeeze dry your block of firm or extra firm tofu, using a clean tea towel. Then put the dried tofu into a shallow bowl and smash it up real good with a potato mashing device: Add a ...

  I know what you’re thinking: there’s nothing new about salmon patties. Maybe your mother, like mine in the 1970s, slapped a can of salmon together with an egg and some breadcrumbs, formed patties, fried them up, and called it a meal. And maybe your memories of them, like mine, are good.  But these, I guarantee, are better! Ingredients: Oops, I forgot to include the neutral flavoured canola oil in the picture above. But you’ll need it too. Directions: Using any canned wild salmon—pink, sockeye, is there any other?—open and drain it well. I only use canned salmon that has skin and bones included for the extra health benefits. Take a fork to your well-drained salmon and make sure you really smash up the skin and bones well. Otherwise it can be a little too real, if you know what I mean. Next, add a farm fresh egg and mash it all together: Next, add the dry ingredients: quick oats, flax meal, and black sesame seeds, in the approximate proportions shown below: If in doubt, start ...

  This is my current go-to breakfast, and not because I’m a health food nut. I have HFN tendencies, but as my other recipes will attest, I am not a true nut.  This breakfast tastes good, keeps me satisfied until lunch time, and is easy to put together in the morning.  I will say that healthfood-type ingredients tend to be expensive, and are becoming ridiculously expensive. This is not your cheapest option for breakfast, but you’re worth it! Ingredients: Directions: First things first. Let’s toast those sliced almonds until they are golden brown and fragrant. If you do this in your toaster oven, watch them like a hawk the first few times to figure out your oven’s settings and heat level. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve not followed this advice and burned my delicate (and expensive) sliced almonds, rendering them inedible. When they were normal-expensive, it was bad enough. Now that they’re ridiculous-expensive, it’s not an option. This is how they look pre-toasting: T...